Greetings, joyful community!
Last week, my mom had a surgery procedure we’d been nervous about for some time. I took time off to care for her and I’m grateful to report that she’s healing quite well.
One evening post-surgery, my husband asked me how I was doing. I was fine, I said. He jokingly responded, “It’s my job to take care of you as you care for your mom. I’m the caregiver to the caregiver.” I laughed and gave him a hug.
This conversation got me thinking about all the times we care for and nurture others, forgetting about the toll that this caring can take on our own well-being.
Who is someone in your life that you’d like to care for or nurture more?
Who would be on your list in response to the question above?
I recently asked this same question during one of my corporate talks. This question gives people an opportunity to think about who matters in their lives that perhaps they’ve been neglecting or ignoring.
People are usually surprised when I note that they likely forgot to write down one key person: themselves.
Nurturing and caring for others feels selfless and has numerous benefits, like helping us to live longer and strengthen our bonds with others. Without including ourselves in the caring equation, however, we risk becoming overwhelmed and perhaps resenting the very people for whom we love caring.
How to make “room” for you too
On the day of my mom’s surgery, I sat at the doctor’s office attempting to work while I waited to hear news from her medical team.
Working turned out to be fruitless as I stared at the mind-numbing episodes of HGTV on the waiting room’s TV. I was reminded at that moment that it would be important to preserve my mental and emotional energy for the days that followed.
I took out a piece of paper and used a tool to help me make physical, emotional, and mental “room” to care for my mom, and also myself. This tool is called an “energy audit”, a simple way to identify what’s adding to and what’s detracting from your energy, so you can feel and be at your best.
Here’s how to conduct this “audit”:
Divide a sheet of paper into two columns.
On the left-hand column, you will identify your sources of uplifting energy.
Write a “+” sign at the top and underneath, write down anything you can think of that adds to your life: who are the people, places, things, activities, or thoughts that energize you?
One simple question you can ask yourself when identifying these “uplifters” is: what feels like a “want to”?On the right-hand column, you will identify your sources of depleting energy.
Write a “-” sign at the top, and underneath, write down anything you can think of that takes away from your energy: who are the people, places, things, activities, and thoughts that drain you?
One simple question you can ask yourself when identifying these “drainers” is: what feels like a “have to”?
I learned this simple awareness technique from one of my great coaching teachers, Rich Litvin. Listing your uplifters and drainers might be enough to help you identify needed changes to help you take better care of yourself.
Not sure what to do about your drainers? I like to think of ways to swap, remove, or convert them:
SWAP: What is an item on your “-” list that can be replaced by an item on your “+” list?
For example, I know that eating sugar late into the night depletes my physical energy at the start of the next day. Next time I get a craving for ice cream at 9 pm, I’ll think to swap it for one of the items in my “+” list, like stretching.
REMOVE: When you think about your next week or month, what items on your draining list can you get rid of completely or at least decrease?
If you know that other demands will require more of your energy (like needing to take care of someone else or focus on a big project at work), decide what isn’t 100% necessary on the “-” list and delegate, pause, or remove it altogether.
CONVERT: There are certain drainers in our lives that we can’t always easily remove or swap (like a job we don’t like). For these, I invite you to find at least 10% of that item that does lift you up.
If you’re doing something that drains you (a “have to”), you’re receiving some benefit from it: what is that benefit? How can you focus more of your energy on maximizing that 10%+ benefit instead of seeing the drainer as something that 100% depletes you?
As I’ve implemented this tool in my own life, I’ve learned to do this “audit” (even if just mentally) at specific milestones, like at the start of a quarter or month, or when I know a big change is about to happen (like my mom’s surgery).
Auditing my energy before I knew I’d play a caregiving role helped me plan ways to feel and be at my best for my mom, who as it turns out, was the easiest patient ever ❤️.
Give this tool a try and see how it helps you make room for what adds to your energy, while you swap, remove, or convert what doesn’t.
P.S. Need help removing your energy drainers? Let’s work together!
1:1 coaching: I can help you swap, remove, or convert your drainers and create more energizers in your life. Let’s start with a quick 15-minute call.
Company workshops and speaking: I offer company workshops and conference keynotes on topics related to confidence, team building, equity and inclusion, negotiation, and navigating change. I’ve worked with companies like Accenture, Ecolab, HEI Hotels & Resorts, the University of Minnesota, and others. Get in touch to explore how I can help your team.
P.P.S. Check out the latest episode of Successful: The Podcast. My friend, Natalie, and I interview one of the most adventurous women I’ve ever met, scuba instructor, Sarah Valdez.
I met Sarah on the beaches of Baja, Mexico, as we chatted about our adventures on the road over breakfast crepes.
Sarah is a scuba instructor with a fascinating career journey and an inspiring story of facing fears and overcoming adversity.
Opening a dive shop in a foreign country had been the hardest thing she’d ever done until the pandemic hit less than a year later and she was forced to sell the business.
Sarah shares how she got through that tough time, what opportunities it opened up in her career, and how it’s helped her live a more meaningful life, teaching people about diving while supporting the conservation of our planet.
Meet Sarah on Episode #43: Diving Into Your Fears.