Greetings from Mexico’s Pacific Coast!
We are halfway through our journey in Baja California, Mexico and I’ve been reflecting on how this journey has pushed me out of my comfort zone.
Seeing the black-and-blue bruise on my knee reminded me of one uncomfortable experience, in particular: my first stand-up paddleboarding (or “SUPing”) experience.
“Stand-up paddleboarding is easy”, said no new paddleboarder ever. Sure, it gets easier with practice but for a first-timer with water up my nose, bruised knees, and trembling legs, it was not “easy”.
On my fourth try, as my body shook with cold after yet another shocking splash into the ocean, I remember scoffing at the idea that some people do yoga on those paddles. “That will be the day!”, I thought.
Everything changed on that fourth try, however, and I remember thinking, “There has to be a good life lesson here.”
Today, I know what that life lesson is:
Trust the process.
This week’s coaching question is:
How can you trust the process?
Stand-Up Paddle Boarding: The Process I Didn’t Trust
At some point, we’re all a beginner at something: looking for a new job, starting that new job, moving to a new city, starting a new project, or like me, learning a new skill, like SUPing.
When we start something new, we feel a jumble of emotions: excitement, nerves, anticipation, and fear.
Given that our brains think 56,000 negative thoughts a day (that’s 80% of all our thoughts), it makes sense we feel afraid to be “new” at something.
Here’s what my thought process looked like as a new paddleboarder:
SUPing attempt #1
Brain: “I’m nervous, why did I say ‘yes’ to this? I don’t know how to do this! All my friends onshore are watching, so I’d better get this right! ”
***SPLASHES INTO THE WATER***
SUPing attempt #2
Brain: “Whoa, I didn’t expect that. I hope no one saw me, how embarrassing! Geez, the water is cold. How do I even get back onto this thing? I’m exhausted already. Oh, my legs are shaking now. Ok, just put one foot there and then the other, strong core…ah!”
***SPLASHES INTO THE WATER***
SUPing attempt #3
Brain: “Ouch, that hurt. My knee hit the board and now it’s bleeding. Stop shaking, don’t cry! Gosh, I hope no one saw me from the shore. I never want to SUP again. This will be my third and final attempt. Ok, I’m going to do it. Here goes….”
***SPLASHES INTO THE WATER***
SUPing attempt #4
Brain: “Wow, that fall was actually kind of fun. I learned how to not let water get in my nose! Gosh, this turquoise water is beautiful. Look at you getting back on that SUP faster- go Karla! Also, my knees stopped shaking. I’m going to not even overthink this and just get up right now. Go.”
That is when the smoother sailing began.
And then, I fell again. But my fifth attempt felt different:
SUPing attempt #5
Brain: “I’m not going to get back on the SUP right away. I’m actually going to enjoy being in the water for a bit! Ok, I’m ready to get back on and just go for it. Ok, I’m up! Wow, this is fun. I’m even paddling now in different directions. Woo!”
Then, I fell again.
Next time, I got back onto the paddleboard faster.
Then, I stood for longer the time after that.
The process repeated over and over.
I was learning.
My body relaxed.
Standing was no longer an opposing force to falling.
Standing and falling were both equally important parts of the process.
I embraced both the falling and the standing.
I trusted the process.
I was having fun.
“Trusting the Process” vs. “Getting it Right”
Imagine that the transition you’re experiencing is fun.
To have fun, you only need to do one thing: trust the process.
I made one mistake going into my SUPing experience: I wanted to “get it right”. When I fell into the water, my brain thought I was getting it “wrong”. So, naturally, it panicked.
When we interpret our life choices as “right” or “wrong”, we’re assuming there is only one way to experience life, when in reality, life is a menu of “seasons”.
Last week, I held one of my “Open Hour” sessions for people who have recently been laid off from their jobs to share their experiences. One participant shared “Life is about seasons, and this one is simply over.”
When we view life this way, we release attachment to outcomes. Without attachment to the “right” outcomes, we much more easily find the purpose in everything that happens.
There was a purpose in my falling: I needed to learn that falling wasn’t as scary as I made it out to be.
Over time, I learned that falling was part of the fun, in fact.
To Trust the “Process”, Trust Yourself
As you think about the transition you’re experiencing, what if you believed that you can’t make a mistake?
I heard this principle during my coach training and it’s stuck with me.
A “mistake” is only one if we label it as such. It’s merely a judgment. As you go forward in whatever new life and work season you have coming up, trust that there are no mistakes - only different ways to experience the richness of life.
Whenever we try something new, we may ask ourselves questions like, “Is this the right thing to do?”, “Is my plan going to work?”, and “Is this the RIGHT opportunity?”
A coach of mine once said:
“The only ‘right’ opportunity is the one that YOU make 'right’”.
We get to make any opportunity “right” by trusting ourselves.
Trusting ourselves means that:
We know we are always doing the best we can and nothing else.
We make and follow plans using the best information available to us.
We trust that we’ll know when it’s time to change that plan.
We recognize that while we think we’re starting something “new” from scratch, we already have so much knowledge and wisdom serving us.
Trusting yourself is recognizing that you know more than you think you know.
Embrace falling.
Trust that you’ll get back up on your own SUP version.
In fact, look forward to falling.
When you look back, you’ll realize that there was never “getting it right” because falling was never “wrong”.
The only “right” is what you make “right” by trusting yourself.
Trust yourself. Keep going. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
P.S. This Thursday, I’m hosting another (free) “Open Hour” to Share & Listen - one hour when anyone who has recently been laid off can join to process what they’re experiencing and feel connected with others going through a similar situation. As a Transitions coach, I will ask a few questions to help you reflect and share.
We have four spots left! You can register for this hour via the button below.
If you know someone who could benefit from this time, please share this opportunity with them by forwarding this article.