Hello, joyful community!
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done in the past month or year?
Have you tried to forget about it, cringing whenever the memory comes to mind?
My family does the opposite of forgetting. In fact, we all aspire to be crowned the person who did the dumbest thing of the year at our summer family reunion, striving to be the lucky recipient of the coveted “Dumbell Award”.
At this past weekend’s reunion, my husband, Noah, won the award (scroll to the end to find out what he did). Noah beamed with pride as he was inducted into my family’s Hall of Fame of dumb moments!
This award always makes us chuckle, as we tell our story of the year and reminisce on our favorite dumb stories of the past, like the time:
My mom kissed a stranger’s arm on a crowded Mexico City subway, thinking it was her husband’s 😂
My cousin hunted a deer and defrosted it in his bathtub (he’d been hauling it around the back of his truck in frigid temperatures while hunting), only to forget to tell his wife about it before she jumped in the shower 😂
My brother, Kevin (who moved to France a few years ago), thought he was saying “merci beaucoup” (meaning “thank you very much”), but was mispronouncing the "ou”, repeating instead “merci beau cul” (meaning “thank you, nice butt” 😂)
(and so many other gems!)
Laughing about our dumbest moments seems contrary to how society has conditioned us to react when we make mistakes. I suppose that this is why my family loves this tradition: outside of our yearly reunion, we rarely celebrate the moments when we mess up!
This week’s coaching question:
What’s the dumbest thing YOU have done in the last year
that’s worthy of an award?
Let’s laugh about it!
What stops us from laughing when we make mistakes?
A common culprit is our mean internal “Judge”, the universal saboteur that lives in all of us, badgering us with messages like:
“How could you be so dumb?!”
“Hopefully no one saw that!”
“No wonder you failed. You’re not young/smart/attractive/good enough!”
“You’d better not make that same mistake again!”
(and so on)
Believing our Judge’s lies feels awful and yet, we allow it to speak to us in a way that would make us gasp if we heard the words coming from someone else.
Whether your Judge is loud and angry or subtle and sneaky, we all have this internal critic or Judge (I call mine “Grumpy Bob”). It’s been making itself a warm, inviting nest in our brains since we were children, causing us anxiety, distress, and even conflict at work and in our relationships.
Our Judge might like to speak to us right after we make a mistake, or perhaps yours is like mine, waking you up at 3 am reciting your recent errors, warning you to not “F” it up the next day.
No matter how your Judge speaks to you, this much is true: it makes us feel AWFUL. Our Judges make us want to take cover in a self-protective cocoon and never come out again. Worse yet, to avoid making another mistake (why would we want to feel awful again?) our Judge tells us we shouldn’t keep trying.
What can we do to quiet our inner Judge so it doesn’t derail our emotions when we make a mistake?
We can laugh.
It sounds simple because it is.
Our inner Judge disguises itself as the “rational” part of our brain, telling us that we need it in order to survive. The best way that we can fight this so-called “rational” voice is to get out of our heads and get into our bodies by laughing.
Laughing doesn’t just mock our Judge; it also activates numerous benefits in our physical bodies such as:
Expanding our oxygen intake
Increasing our brain’s endorphins
Decreasing our blood pressure
Relaxing our muscles
Even “fake” laughing (laughter that we stimulate ourselves, not from some external source) reduces stress as our bodies don’t always know the difference between authentic and self-created laughter.
If you’re not a fan of laughter (hey, no judgment), here are some other tactics to get out of your head and into your body whenever you hear the Judge’s berating messages:
Practice box breathing (breathing and holding for counts of 4)
Rub your hands together and notice the sensations of skin against skin
Find an object in your room that you can observe carefully and with intention
Differentiate the sounds of inhales and exhales as you breathe
Interrupting our Judge by using our body can return our minds to a more neutral emotional state from which we can forgive ourselves and let the mistakes go.
I can see why my family has maintained the “Dumbell Award” tradition for so many years: laughing about our dumbest moments reminds us that we’re all human. It also feels really good to release tension and just laugh!
So, how did Noah make us all laugh this year as the lucky recipient of the Dumbell Award?
Here’s his story:
When we were driving in Baja California, Mexico last winter, we had to drive down an unexpectedly long and terribly bumpy road to go whale watching. When we finally arrived at our destination (completely rattled), Noah started to worry about our new (to us) truck, seeing a yellow liquid oozing out of one of the tires.
He bent down, touched the warm liquid, smelled it, and even called me over to smell it too. He couldn't figure out what could possibly be leaking from the truck! Just as the worry was mounting, he looked over to the next tire…only to catch a stray dog peeing on that tire too 😂.
Wishing you many moments of laughter over all the not-so-smart things you do this week!
P.S. Here are three ways you can quiet your Judge and laugh more:
Let’s work together! All my clients learn how to apply the Positive Intelligence framework in their work and lives, learning to interrupt their Judge and activate parts of their brains that better serve them, like creativity and self-empathy. You can develop these powerful “muscles” too by working with me as your coach. Let’s start with a 20-minute call where I’ll ask you three questions to explore if you’re ready for coaching with me. Book this time here.
Give EFT (or “tapping”) a try! The wonderful Kristin Panasewicz, a Certified Integrated Healer and accredited EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner, is offering two free sessions to anyone that signs up before the end of this month. EFT is a wonderful way to deactivate painful emotions and distressing triggers. Having joined Kristin for my own two sessions last month, I can attest to the joy it is to learn from a master like Kristin! You must sign up by the end of August to take advantage of her generous offer. Learn more and sign up by reading her August Missive (scroll down to where it says “2X Free EFT Sessions”).
Open Hours are back! Are you experiencing a work transition (or know someone who has)? I’m bringing Open Hours back for the month of August to support those who are experiencing a transition at work (desired or not). “Open Hours” provide a safe space to share, vent, reflect, and process big changes at work (like a layoff, being fired, or quitting). Join me next week for the third session of the month (we’re already full this week!). Sign up here.