Think of something that may be feeling a little bit big in your career.
Something related to a big dream you have for yourself but you haven't yet taken that first (or second) step. Maybe you've set that action or project aside on purpose.
What's your reason for not taking action?
Ok, now what's your REAL reason for not taking action?
There's a reason why taking action feels easy for some tasks and really hard for others.
It's not usually the reason we think.
"It's not about the numbers, is it?"
I'm a fan of Ramit Sethi, the host of the new Netflix show "How to Get Rich".
Ramit advises people on how to build their "rich" lives, and at the core, he's a mindset coach, like me. He helps people talk about money so they can identify the blocks getting in the way of building their rich lives.
In one episode, a couple had been avoiding opening a growing stack of bills, afraid of the numbers inside those envelopes.
"But it's not really about the numbers, is it?" Ramit asks.
As it turns out, avoiding paying the bills had nothing to do with the numbers themselves.
With Ramit’s coaching, one partner revealed that he resented his wife for not including him in the household's financial decisions.
The other partner revealed she didn’t trust her husband enough to include him in those decisions.
“Those envelopes are full of emotion,” said one partner tearfully.
When we procrastinate on a task that feels important but difficult (like opening our bills in this example), it’s easy to blame our inaction on barriers outside of us, like in this case, “the numbers”.
But it’s rarely about the numbers.
It’s usually about the emotions contained in those “numbers”, like resentment, distrust, and fear of judgment or failure.
In other words, emotions we’d rather avoid.
When you think about that important action you haven’t taken, what emotions might you be trying to avoid?
Getting cozy with our negative emotions
This past week, I had an opportunity to attend a networking event in Dallas in person (something I rarely get to do as an RV nomad).
Networking is important for my business, but I wanted to avoid this event.
“It’s too far.”
"It’s about to rain.”
"I don’t have business cards.”
My brain wanted to make excuses to avoid doing something important.
But I knew my reasons for wanting to avoid the event weren’t really about the distance, rain, or business cards.
The truth was that I didn’t want to put myself out there.
I wanted to avoid feeling rejected, embarassed, and lonely in a room full of confident people.
But instead of avoiding my uncomfortable emotions, I got cozy with them.
Getting “cozy” with our fears and emotions requires that we bring them into the open. Instead of pretending they're not there, we need to:
Get curious about the emotions we’re avoiding
Exercise empathy, recognizing that it’s perfectly normal to feel how we do
Be playful with those emotions, entertaining the worst possible scenario
We may find that our worst possible scenario is not so bad at all, or perhaps very unlikely to actually happen.
By getting curious, empathetic, and playful we disempower the negative emotions that keep us procrastinating.
Good thing I got cozy with my emotions because I went to the event, met fascinating people and had the best time!
With empathy and curiosity, can you identify the real reasons why you’re procrastinating on that task that feels important?
Those reasons probably go deeper than what’s on the surface.
Don’t ignore the emotions you’re avoiding.
Instead, get curious: What’s worrying you?
Practice empathy: Why is it perfectly normal to be worried about that?
Get playful: What’s the worst thing that can happen (and how likely is it that this will happen)?
Once you get cozy with the real emotions that make you procrastinate, you take away their power.
Then, you get back into action.
P.S. Let’s work together! Here’s how:
1:1 coaching: I help professionals take action to create their most joyful careers, whether it’s in their current work or by making a big leap. Book a session and let’s work together this month.
Company workshops and speaking: I offer company workshops and conference keynotes on topics related to team building, equity and inclusion, confidence, negotiation, navigating change, and more. I’ve worked with companies like Accenture, Ecolab, HEI Hotels & Resorts, the University of Minnesota, and others. Get in touch to explore how I can help your team.
Open Hours: If you’ve been recently laid off, I invite you to join me for a free “Open Hour” - a safe space to share, listen, and process the emotions related to this big life change. Sign up for an Open Hour here.
On the latest episode of Successful: The Podcast: Integrating your Health & Values
I co-host a podcast called “Successful”, which is all about women who are redefining success in their lives and careers to live with more joy.
In the latest episode, we talk about integrating health and wellness with our values. A healthy mind and body allow us to live life to the fullest and in alignment with our values - because when we feel good, we're more likely to do the things that we love and bring us joy.
Our guest on the show is Dr. Michal Waldfogel, a naturopathic physician. She shares how she has aligned her values and her training in traditional as well as naturopathic medicine to help her patients align their health and values.
Click here to listen to episode #33: Integrating your Health & Values.