Greetings, joyful community!
Be honest:
When was the last time you took a day to spend time with YOU?
I’m talking about a day free of “have tos” and “musts” and instead full of “wants”.
My birthday was on Sunday and as I tend to go overboard on celebrating, I came up with a list of 39 things I wanted to do before I turned 39.
Number 3 on the list was something I’ve intended but neglected to do for years: to take a Personal Retreat Day or a PRD.
Last Tuesday, I looked at my calendar, rescheduled meetings, and decided that now was the time for a PRD. In this post, I want to share why taking a PRD matters, what gets in our way of honoring time for ourselves, and how you can design your own PRD.
Why do Personal Retreat Days matter?
Give yourself a point for every statement below that is true for you:
In the last 3 months…
I have spent intentional time imagining, dreaming, and envisioning the future I want.
I have spent more than one hour doing something by myself that I wanted (not had to) do.
I have had at least four hours of time that didn’t involve following an agenda or pre-created plan.
Did you get at least one point?
If your score added up to one point (or zero), you’re missing a crucial ingredient to design your most joyful life and career: white space.
“White space” (as my favorite coach calls it) is exactly that: “white” or blank space in time. It is an opportunity to simply be without plans, without agenda.
When I first left the corporate world in 2020, I used to panic when my week looked blank, believing that a full calendar or being “busy” was the marker of “success”.
Since those days, I’ve learned that to be truly “successful”, blank time on your calendar is an asset:
Warren Buffet, CEO and Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, famously keeps days on his calendar free of appointments, believing in the power of protecting his time to think.
Richard Branson, the founder of the Virgin Group, advises to “Open up your calendar and schedule time to just dream,” attributing dreaming to what “spurs innovation, leads to change, and propels the world forward”.
In my own experience and in observing the clients whom I‘ve coached on this topic, white space offers you the opportunity to calm your nervous system down so you can:
Integrate what you’re learning in the rapid pace of life into your conscious mind
Make decisions and solve problems with less stress and more clarity
Activate your creativity and sense of wonder
With all these benefits, it’s a shame that “Personal Retreat Days” aren’t a standard part of our working culture. Nevertheless, we can all benefit from this practice from time to time.
Yes, but…
Sure! A Personal Retreat Day sounds fabulous, except that…
You have no extra time
Things will fall apart and you’ll get terribly behind if you step away
Let’s reframe these two points:
You do have time. In my many years of coaching, I’ve learned that our perceived lack of time is less about real-life constraints and more about inner sabotaging beliefs like:
“To be liked and respected, I must always say ‘yes’”
“If I’m not busy, I’m not succeeding” (my own Achilles heel)
“If I don’t have everything under control, things will fall apart”
These beliefs tend to come from our inner saboteurs (those pesky fear-fueled inner voices), who want to help us avoid something uncomfortable (like displeasing someone).
What might you be avoiding by saying “yes” to everyone and everything else, but not saying “yes” to you?
What might you gain if just for one day (even for half a day) you said “yes” to no one and nothing else but you?Stepping away offers many gifts, not just for yourself, but others too.
Thinking of taking time away just for yourself can feel selfish, even irresponsible. I’ve struggled with the saboteur thought “It’s unfair for me to take time off when my husband is working so hard.” What I discovered after taking a PRD was that those around me benefited too: my husband got to interact with a happier, lighter, more present version of me.
I’ve seen this pattern at work as well. Whenever I left my team to go on vacation in my corporate days, I always returned to an even more empowered, self-sufficient, and confident team, proving all my fears wrong. My boss was never resentful, but rather, more appreciative of my skills, perhaps because they got a taste of life without me.
How might stepping away from your daily life for a PRD be a gift for those you love and those with whom you work?
How to Structure a PRD
Now that we’ve reviewed the benefits of a PRD and reframed a few excuses, I’ll share how I structured my PRD and some ideas to structure yours.
Time alone doesn’t have to be scary or wasteful. A PRD can have structure!
Back in the corporate world, I always believed in the power of a three-day weekend or a three-week vacation. “White space” in series of three made the most sense to me:
Day or week 1 was meant for REST (sleep in, relax by the pool, no thinking)
Day or week 2 was to REFLECT (journal, learn, and think)
Day or week 3: RE-SET (dream, plan for the future, and schedule in next steps)
Alas, the real world prefers to deal in twos (two-day weekends, two-week vacations), but I still believe in this 3-part structure for a PRD. This is exactly how I designed my Personal Retreat Day last Tuesday:
Part 1: REST
On Monday evening, the night before my PRD, I informed my family of my intention and gained their support. “No alarm clocks for me,” I told my husband. “I might not be home for dinner,” I told my mom.
On the day of my PRD, I woke up naturally with the sun. I took my time making my bed and walking the dogs. Then, I indulged in a 75-minute gentle yoga class. Stretching and sharing in community with other women was good for my body and soul too. After yoga, I treated myself to a haircut, relishing every bit of the hair scalp massage (so good but always too quick!).
As you think about your own PRD, consider these REST activities:
Sleep in
Define a loose plan while also allowing yourself to flow with the day as your body and mind desire
Incorporate gentle exercise (a walk, yoga, stretching) without music or a podcast in your ears (after all, this time is to listen to the most important person: you!)
Part 2: REFLECT
Once I felt rested, I went to a local cafe and treated myself to delicious quiche and salad. I read my favorite magazine for a bit (lately, The New Yorker) and then wrote in my journal, allowing my mind to wander and write whatever came to mind at the moment. Gradually, my mind drifted towards gratitude, reflecting on the last year of achievements and experiences.
As you think about your own PRD, consider these REFLECT activities:
Journal with no direction - see where your pen takes you!
Follow the prompts and exercises in a self-development book, like The Artist’s Way (a book on boosting your creativity)
Try out my “Harvest, Compost, or Plant?'“ reflection exercise to decide what you’d like to nurture more or less in your life
Part 3: RESET!
After some time journaling and reflecting, I got up, stretched, and then ordered a cup of tea. As I sipped my mint tea, I wrote up some ideas I’d like to pursue in my business and in our travels over the next year. Then, I added tiny steps to get those ideas in motion to my to-do list for the next few weeks. Finally, satisfied with my level of rest, reflection, and re-setting for the future, I blocked out a monthly PRD for the rest of the year.
As you think about your own PRD, consider these RE-SETTING activities:
Envision your perfect day or your perfect month. What would you be doing more of/less of? Write it out.
What’s a dream you’re tired of leaving to “someday”? Add tiny steps you can take towards it to your calendar for the next week.
Look at your calendar and carve out more personal retreat time going forward. I blocked one weekday a month; choose what makes the most sense to you!
BONUS: Part 4: REWARD!
I couldn’t end the day just with a cup of tea so I walked across the street and bought myself flowers at the local flower shop. “I only have $10”, I told the florist and shared my favorite colors. In no time, she whipped up an inexpensive, but beautiful bouquet that made me smile.
What’s a little reward you can add to your PRD to celebrate the fact that you carved out time for YOU? Here are some ideas:
A nap
A massage
A new book
Calling a friend
Getting an ice cream cone
So…
When are you taking your own Personal Retreat Day?
What would you like to do (and not do)?
What’s getting in your way of honoring that time for yourself?
Leave me a comment here. I’d love to support you and cheer you on!
A PRD doesn’t have to be about doing big things, but rather about being with YOU, resting, reflecting, and re-setting, while sprinkling little joys throughout the day that awe and delight you.
P.S. Struggling to make time to daydream? Helping you dream and take action towards your dreams is my FAVORITE thing to do!
Let’s work together! All my clients learn how to apply the Positive Intelligence framework to quiet the saboteurs who tell them they don’t have time for themselves. We also spend a lot of time activating your inner sage powers to help you dream and create the career and life that brings you joy. Curious? Let’s start with a 20-minute call where I’ll ask you three questions to explore if you’re ready for coaching with me. Book this time here.
Open Hours are back! Are you experiencing a work transition (or know someone who has)? I’m bringing Open Hours back for the month of August to support those who are experiencing a transition at work (desired or not). “Open Hours” provide a safe space to share, vent, reflect, and process big changes at work (like a layoff, being fired, or quitting). Join me next week for the fourth session of the month. Sign up here.