Hello, joyful community!
I was on vacation with my family last week. I really wanted to write to you while I was away, but I ultimately chose to not write.
You see, I’m practicing honoring my boundaries between work and my personal life.
I’ve realized recently that I used to take more vacation when I worked in my corporate job than I do now running my own business.
Why?
For one, I love my work! But sometimes I also make up stories that get in my way of taking time off.
For example:
“If I take time off, my clients will think that I don’t care about them.”
“If I take time off, I must not be really committed to my business.”
“If I take time off, I’ll never catch up on work when I get back.”
What stories are getting in your way of honoring your boundaries?
My clients struggle with setting boundaries like these:
Saying “no” to taking on additional projects at work
Refusing to work during their non-work time, like weekends
Communicating how they feel about a situation with their bosses or partners
Turning down social commitments they really don’t want to attend
Delegating tasks at work and at home
Do any of these blurred boundaries feel familiar to you?
I’ve struggled with all of these before too, suffering the consequences.
When we don’t stand up for our personal boundaries at work, we give away our power and tell those learning from us they can do the same.
When we fail to take up “space” and speak up, we devalue our feelings and grant others permission to devalue them too.
When we say “yes” when we don’t really want to, we unintentionally plant seeds of resentment toward other people and toward our circumstances.
When we refuse to ask for help, we choose to stay exactly where we are instead of expanding our impact (and often, our income).
What’s the cost of not defining and honoring an important boundary in your life?
The solution to honoring our boundaries is simple:
To honor our boundaries, we must change the story.
“They won’t like you.”
“Things won’t get done without you.”
“Only you know how to do things the right way.”
“You’re going to bother people.”
These fear-based stories get in our way of honoring our boundaries because they don’t feel good.
It doesn’t feel good to not be liked.
It doesn’t feel good to feel like we’re carrying all the weight.
It doesn’t feel good to think we’re bothering people.
The good thing is that your fear-based stories are simply not true.
I know the stories that get in my way of going on vacation more often are simply not true too.
Fear-based story #1: “If I take time off, my clients will think that I don’t care about them.”
The real story: By taking time off, I’m ‘walking my talk’, inspiring my clients to also honor their own boundaries.
***
Fear-based story #2: “If I take time off, I must not be really committed to my business.”
The real story: I’m taking time because I’m committed to my business. When I make time for rest, I return to work more focused and energized.
***
Fear-based story #3: “If I take time off, I’ll fall behind on work too much.”
The real story: Stepping away from work will give me newfound perspectives on how to be more impactful and efficient with my time.
***
Last week, as part of my Summer of Bravery, I challenged my fear-based stories about taking time off.
So…
I didn’t write to you.
I didn’t coach my clients.
I didn’t attend meetings.
Honoring my boundaries wasn’t comfortable, but it was important.
Honoring your boundaries won’t feel comfortable either because you’ve been believing your fear-based stories for too long.
Honor them anyway.
The cost of saying “yes” when you want to say “no”, the cost of not speaking up, and the cost of not embracing help are far too great.
To honor your boundaries, first, spot the fear-based story that’s holding you back.
Then, find the real story.
P.S. I invite you to book a call with me so we can explore how to better honor your boundaries at work and in life too. Let’s start here.
P.P.S. I’m preparing a new series of workshops to help employees navigate change (like layoffs) with less stress and more joy. If your company could use this type of support right now, I’d love to help. Get in touch with me here.