Got a BIG, scary dream?
Don't wait for the fear to disappear. Instead, bring it along for the ride!
My dear friend, Lisa Wang, recently published her first book, Purpose Driven Poker. Publishing a book is no small feat, but doing it in 30 days is an even greater achievement.
“Perfection is not the goal,” she said. Her goal was to go after a big dream of telling her story authentically and in the face of fear.
On June 30th, just about a month after she first told me about her book idea, she texted me: “Paperback version just went live!! Ahhh!”.
Seeing her book on Amazon still gives me goosebumps.
Lisa’s story is an inspiring example of what we can each create in the presence of BIG dreams AND in the presence of fear.
One of my coaching clients, who has big dreams to launch his own business, recently told me “I’m just hoping the fear will go away soon.”
I hated to crush his hope, but I had to be straightforward and said:
“Fear will always be along for the ride in one way or another. The absence of fear means that your dream is not big enough!”
What is YOUR BIG, scary dream?
How can fear come along for the ride in your journey to go after that dream?
Watching Lisa follow through on her big scary dream got me thinking about the difference between people that pursue their big, scary dreams WITH fear vs. those that wait until their fears disappear.
Here are a few of my observations:
People who wait for fear to disappear:
Admire others who are going after their dreams, lustfully wishing that “one day” they can do the same.
People who pursue their dreams WITH fear:
Observe and learn from the actions of those they admire. Then, they design their their own actions and take tiny, consistent steps that compound over time.
People who wait for fear to disappear:
Are waiting for the “ideal” moment to take action, preferably when they’ve learned to be more confident about their ideas and about themselves.
People who pursue their dreams WITH fear:
Know that “ideal” moments rarely exist, and know that (as my coach says) confidence isn’t LEARNED, it’s EARNED.
People who wait for fear to disappear:
Shy away from the discomforts that go hand-in-hand with pursuing big dreams.
People who pursue their dreams WITH fear:
Embrace short-term discomfort for long-term satisfaction. Lisa is a powerful example of this: she’s a wife, a mom of 3, and a full-time management consulting professional. Her busy life required that she write at night, between 11 pm to 5 am!
People who wait for fear to disappear:
Are stuck in the inertia of their daily life and are unwilling to pause the spinning “wheel” to make space for their dreams and to explore their fears.
People who pursue their dreams WITH fear:
Are purposeful about creating “white space” in their lives: segments of time to let their deams and fears breathe (such as through journaling, reflection, conversation, or coaching).
People who wait for fear to disappear:
Like to think, “I’ll be ready WHEN…”
People who pursue their dreams WITH fear:
Know they’ll never be truly “ready”. They know they’ll also never be “prepared” or “practiced” enough, but they go forth anyway (I wrote about not waiting until you’re “ready” here).
I imagine that Lisa felt fear, and didn’t feel confident or ready enough to write her wonderful memoir (which you can buy here). Nevertheless, Lisa:
Learned from others who wrote and self-published their own memoirs and then designed an action plan that scared her and fueled her motivation
Took tiny steps every day toward her dream
Was committed to her dream, even when taking action felt inconvenient
Didn’t wait to learn to be confident about writing a book; instead, she earned her confidence as she wrote it
Will always look back on her life knowing that she pursued a BIG dream with fear, making her achievement that much more inspiring!
My wish for all of us is that, just as Lisa did, we:
Dream BIG dreams that scare us so much because they’re truly big, impactful, and inspiring.
Embark on wild, crazy, fear-FULL rides that seem impossible and daunting.
Take tiny little steps towards those scary dreams, every single day.
Don’t wait for your fears to disappear.
Fear will always be along for the ride in one way or another. Without it, our dreams will fall flat and lose steam. Fear is a sign that your dream is big enough!
P.S. Need help to go after what scares you? Work with me:
1:1 coaching: I can help you dream up dreams that scare you and go after them (your fears can come along too!). Book a 20-minute call with me to start dreaming.
Company workshops and speaking: I offer company workshops and conference keynotes on topics related to confidence, team building, equity and inclusion, and negotiation. My latest series is all about navigating change with more joy. I’ve worked with companies like Accenture, Ecolab, HEI Hotels & Resorts, the University of Minnesota, and others. Get in touch to explore how I can help your team.
P.P.S. That’s a wrap: Season 3 of Successful: The Podcast is in the books!
My co-host, Natalie, and I had the most wonderful guests on our show this past season: from my favorite NYT Bestselling author, Allison Pataki, to my great friend and fellow mindset coach, Yanet Borrego, who talked about Reinventing Yourself, to master diver, Sarah Valdez, who talked about “diving” into your fears, to my great friend Joemmy Ramirez, who talked about taking a career break when you’re on the verge of burn-out.
Phew! So many phenomenal conversations around what it means to live a life aligned with YOUR definition of “success”.
Check out our final Season 3 episode: Reflecting, Re-Imagining, and Renewing.