Hello from one of Mexico’s “Pueblos Mágicos” (magical towns). Loreto is stunning and offers so much cultural richness. I’m in love.
The “magical” qualities of these towns range from rich cultural traditions and history to stunning architectural and natural beauty. These towns are valuable to tourism and our heritage, so they’re protected from too much change.
This past month, we’ve been exploring the theme of change and how to experience it from a joyful place.
As January wraps up, I want to acknowledge that change isn’t always “joyful” or welcomed. I was reminded of how painful change can be when talking to a friend who was recently laid off. Change is particularly hard when it’s decided for us.
In this issue: I want to explore the four phases of change. Change is a process and it can be comforting to know that every phase of change is temporary. Understanding that there is a cycle to change can also give us insight into where we’re headed next.
Note: At the end of this article, I’m including a special invitation for anyone that has recently been laid off from their jobs. Keep reading to learn more.
The Cycle Of Change
For many years, I led Change Management projects at Accenture (a global consulting firm). My job was to work with companies who were going through change (like a merger or a new technology roll-out) to bring their employees up the “change curve”.
Over time, I questioned this tool because it assumes that everyone experiences change in the same way and at the same pace.
I now prefer to view change from a more neutral place and the way my coaching school taught me:
Change is like a card game. We shuffle, we deal, we play, and we toss in.
Sometimes, the game is won and change feels great, sometimes the game is lost, and change sucks. We may not always experience all change phases in a linear way, but we’ll always find ourselves in one of these phases in some aspect of our lives - our careers, a romantic relationship, or when starting a new habit.
The key is to know where you are in the process of change, so you can maximize what each phase can offer you.
Coaching question of the week:
What phase of change are you in?
Phase 1: Shuffle
This is a moment of pause after an ending, such as a layoff. It’s a time-out phase to heal and in time, dream of new directions.
At the beginning of this stage, it’s normal to fear the unknown. Over time, as you take stock of your life and decide in which way to go, you’ll begin to renew your sense of purpose and hope, excited to begin the next game.
In what aspects of your life are you in the “shuffle” phase?
If you’re “shuffling”:
Rest. I remember when I left my corporate job after 13 years of fast-paced, demanding work. I was eager to get my coaching business off the ground and didn’t feel I needed a break in-between. A few months later, I burnt out. If you’re shuffling, rest. You’ve earned it.
Get grounded. This is a phase to turn inwards. Figure out your values (I wrote about how to do that here) and examine what success means to you (I wrote about that here). Imagine your perfect year, your perfect day, your perfect morning. Take advantage of this time to reacquaint yourself with yourself so you know what game you really want to play next.
Phase 2: Deal
After shuffling and resting, it’s time to get your “ducks” in order. This is an exciting action phase, a time to experiment, network, and learn new things. In the “shuffle” stage, you clarified your values. In “deal”, you explore opportunities that align with those values.
It’s normal to at first, proceed timidly, not wanting to commit to a new job too fast. Over time, as you research and experiment, you’ll feel more confident about firming up a plan.
In what aspects of your life are you in the “deal” phase?
If you’re “dealing”:
Turn your excitement into action. Take advantage of the renewed energy you might be experiencing to meet people. Have coffee chats and gather intel on your next “game”.
Ask for support. This is an excellent time to find a mentor or a coach. A mentor can share their experience being a few steps ahead of you and introduce you to their network. As a coach, I help my clients get curious about their next “game” and come up with ways to explore and experiment with what’s next.
Make a plan. By the end of this phase, people are ready to experience their next steps. They have a plan. Make sure this plan feels exciting and inspiring to you, knowing that you can continually reassess and adjust your plan.
Phase 3: Play!
This phase is a mixed bag: at first, you might be excited to start the game. Over time, however, our excitement can wane as we get into the thick of playing.
Some thoughts that might come up as you play your new “game” include, “How will I have time to do all this?” and “I don’t know what to do next”. While in “deal”, much of your energy was inner-driven, during “play”, you might rely on external results for motivation (like praise or a salary).
In what aspects of your life are you in the “play” phase?
If you’re “playing”:
Ask for help. I’ve seen my clients retreat into their own shells when they begin playing a new “game”, like starting a new role at work. Their “Hyper-Achiever” and perfectionist saboteurs have them believe that to “prove” themselves, they must play the game perfectly. Ask yourself this: Would you expect someone else to play the game perfectly, not only if they were new, but ever? Probably not.
Remember your definition of success. It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s definition (like your company’s) and begin to measure your worth by external standards. Put a list of your values and your definition of success somewhere visible so you can always ground yourself back to what matters.
Phase 4: Toss In
All things come to an end, sometimes with failure, sometimes with success. While we intellectually may know that all things end, it’s normal to resist change.
An ending signifies uncertainty about the next beginning, which can generate fear and perhaps resentment if you didn’t choose the ending. It’s normal to perceive that we have been the “victim” of a situation beyond our control (like when we’re let go at work). At the end of this cycle, it’s normal and perhaps necessary to hibernate and retreat.
In what aspects of your life are you in the “toss-in” phase?
If you’re “tossing in”:
Look for the gift. This might require time, but know that for every ending, a gift awaits. Perhaps you now will have time to pursue something you love or maybe you no longer have to deal with that unsupportive boss. Even if you don’t yet see the gift, trust that it’s there.
Connect with others in the same boat. When I led Change Management at Accenture, we organized small meetings among peers so they could express their thoughts and feelings about the change. Their bosses weren’t invited, which meant that they could safely share and listen to others’ experiences. Reaching out to others who are experiencing the same ending as you can ease loneliness and build a sense of connection.
An Invitation for Anyone Recently Laid Off
On Wednesday, February 1st, 2023 I’m hosting a safe virtual space for anyone that might have recently been laid off. The goal is to share and listen.
Being laid off can trigger a lot of emotions, whether you’re in the “Toss In”, “Shuffle”, or even the “Deal” phase. Sometimes, it helps to share out loud and hear about others’ experiences going through the same change cycle as you.
If you’ve recently beein laid off, join us!
If you know someone who could benefit from this space, please share this article and invitation with them. My hope is that by sharing stories, people will feel connected and hopeful about what’s next.
I also invite you to explore working with me as your coach. I specialize in Transitions and can help you navigate the cycle of change, design your plan, and go after your next game with excitement and joy. Book a Discovery call with me below.
Note: The contents of this article were inspired and guided by the coach training I received from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).