Greetings, joyful community!
When did you last ask for help gladly and without guilt?
Asking for help has been on my mind today, as I celebrate the launch of Season 3 of my show, Successful: The Podcast! My dear friend and co-host, Natalie, and I got to see each other in person this past Saturday to celebrate.
Over brunch, we were discussing how grateful we were to have expanded our team this season by welcoming our producer, Alissa.
I’ll never forget the day that Alissa offered to help us with the show. We met when I was in Mexico and as I waved goodbye to Alissa from my truck, she approached me. “You know how you said you wished you didn’t have to edit your podcast? Well, I can help you.”
“I can help you” were the sweetest words I didn’t realize I was afraid of hearing.
In this issue: The stories that keep us from asking for help, an invitation to work with me, and details on Season 3 of Successful: The Podcast!
The stories that keep us from asking
Over the last year, Natalie and I have managed all podcast tasks, including guest coordination, show editing and marketing. We do this in addition to full-time work weeks.
Earlier this year, I felt overwhelmed. We meant to launch our third season in January, but my growing coaching business demanded my attention. “I just don’t have time for it all,” I told Natalie.
Four months later, we are finally launching! Adding Alissa to our team helped us get back on track and reach this exciting milestone.
I can’t help but think, “Why didn’t I ask for help sooner?”
This week’s coaching question:
In what parts of your life are you not asking for help?
Our brain is funny when it comes to asking for or accepting help.
Logically, we know that we can achieve so much when we expand our “team” - whether that’s in our jobs or life at home. In practice, asking for help isn’t always easy. Why?
Asking for or accepting help can feel hard because of the stories we tell ourselves.
Over the years, I have coached often on this topic and have noticed common stories that stop us from asking for or accepting help:
Story #1: “If I ask for help, I’ll lose control.”
If we tend to be decisive, action-oriented and are used to making things “happen”, chances are we get a lot done by being or believing we’re in control.
Believing that “I can do this myself better/faster” can hinder our willingness to expand our “team”, fearing that we’ll lose momentum or quality. As a result, we don’t ask for help since doing so will put us “out of” instead of “in” control.
The impact of the “Controller” story:
We may get things done faster and better on our own in the short term. In the long-term, however, there may be a cost to our well-being (like burnout) or missing out on directing our energy to tasks where the payoffs are greater.
Story #2: “They will think less of me.”
If you think that asking for help makes you look weak or inferior, you’re not alone. Research on child development shows that kids as young as seven years old connect asking for help with being incompetent.
This is especially true if we thrive on constant performance or achievement. Believing that we must be “excellent” or “the best” tricks us into thinking that if we ask for help, we’ll be found out as being less than stellar.
The impact of this “Achiever” story:
When we fear appearing incompetent by asking for help, we miss the opportunity to build intimacy and promote well-being, for ourselves and others.
According to this Stanford University study, people regularly underestimate others’ willingness to help. This is unfortunate, as according to other studies like this one, people feel happier when they have an opportunity to demonstrate an act of kindness toward others.
Story #3: They might say “no”.
Fearing the possibility of “no” is no fun. If we’re highly empathetic and tuned into others’ emotions, the thought of “bothering” someone and them saying “no” can be downright terrifying.
Expressing our own needs can feel selfish, so we put others’ needs ahead of our own. We might even tell ourselves that to be a “good person”, we should be “nice” and not bother anyone.
The impact of this “Pleaser” story:
When we interpret asking for help as “bothering” others, we may unconsciously develop resentment. It may feel good in the short term to put others’ needs first, but over time, we may reach a breaking point and wonder, “When will it be my turn?” Eventually, we might enlist others’ help, but do so through coercion and guilt.
What’s your story?
Where in your life are you not asking for help? I invite you to spot the story that might be getting in your way:
Are you afraid of losing “control” of the situation by asking for help?
Are you worried about how others will view you?
Are you fearing rejection?
Looking back, the “Controller” story kept me from asking for and accepting help on the podcast. After a year on the show, I knew our processes inside-out and believed it would be too cumbersome to involve someone new.
The universe proved me wrong (thank you, Alissa!).
To overcome your fears about asking for help, start by identifying your story.
Then, consider:
What is the cost of believing your story?
What’s the bigger payoff if you do ask for help?
***
For Natalie and me, the biggest payoff in welcoming Alissa into our team isn’t just freeing up time. The payoff is much more impactful. By having a fresh perspective, we’re improving the way we work, and becoming more innovative and creative in how we connect with our podcast listeners. It’s also a joy to expand our team of women who seek to inspire other women to redefine success.
It all started with three simple words I was avoiding: “I can help you.”
What help will YOU ask for and accept today?
Tune into Successful: The Podcast!
A year ago, Natalie and I set out to explore what “success” means to different women and inspire people to redefine it for themselves. Over the course of 30+ episodes, we’ve learned that pursuing “success” is most joyful when our definition of it is aligned with our values.
Here is our inaugural Season 3 episode, where Natalie and I reflect on the past year and set some intentions for our new season.
Over the next few months, you’ll be hearing from inspiring guests who share how they have redefined success for themselves, building a career and life that brings them joy.
Our guests are women who play the roles of mothers, entrepreneurs, and professionals in fields like naturopathic medicine, “humane” marketing, psychology, fitness, and many more. One of my favorite authors will also be joining us, a New York Times best-selling writer of women’s historical fiction!
New episodes drop every Tuesday morning right here or wherever you listen to podcasts. I invite you to follow us on your favorite platform, like Apple Podcasts or Spotify. We’d be so honored if you left us a review!
Please also keep in touch with us on Instagram @successfulthepod.
Thanks for listening!
What is YOUR definition of success?
I’d love to help you build the career and life that honors that definition.
As The Joyful Career coach, I help career-driven people connect with their purpose and build lives and careers that bring them more joy.
Here’s what one of my clients, Rocío, a Director in Sales, shared about our work:
“Karla helped me get clear on what I want, work through thought patterns that hold me back, and strengthen my confidence. As a result, I'm attracting what I want in life and shaping a life that honors my values, which I'm finding is what makes me the happiest!”
This month, I’m opening three new spots for brand-new clients.
Let’s explore what your most joyful life and career can look like on a free discovery call. You can book it right here.