Happy Monday, friends! I’m writing today from one of Mexico’s greatest treasures: Cabo Pulmo, known as the “Aquarium of the World”. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site, a protected reef with over 800 marine life species.
Yesterday, Noah (my husband) and I went snorkeling to check out the marine life. It was a chilly finger-numbing swim that was well worth it, as we swam with a shark, a turtle, and hundreds of colorful fish. On our way, we stopped by a colony of lazy sea lions napping under the sun.
Our snorkeling guide, Valeria, was someone who loves her career. Her eyes lit up as she told us about the flying Mobula stingrays she often sees flying above water and the mind-blowing fish tornados she’s witnessed. Her passion and joy were contagious. She struck me as someone with a “want to” type career.
This week’s coaching question is:
What’s your type of career: a “WANT TO” or a “HAVE TO”?
At times, my career has been a “have to” career. Here’s the biggest difference between the two:
A “have to” career is driven by fear. A “want to” career is driven by love.
The biggest differentiator between the two is not what you do; it’s how you feel about what you do.
How to Tell the Difference
I remember a specific instance when my corporate career felt like a “have to”:
I was a Management Consultant and had heard about the “client from hell” - a specific client account where consultants worked themselves to the bone, sometimes even sleeping under their desks at night.
One day, the leader from this “client from hell” account called - she wanted me to join the project. I panicked, knowing that any semblance of enjoyment for my job or work-life balance would disappear.
“If you join that account, you have to think about it as a job - it’s a means to an end, for you to get a salary, nothing more, nothing less”. A colleague of mine shared this perspective, wanting to appease my anxiety.
That advice felt well-intended but mediocre. Sure, I could get through it, but something inside of me would die if I accepted it as my reality.
Thankfully, my group leader refused to let me go to that account (I’ll forever be in her debt), but that experience and advice taught me this:
I never want a “have to” mediocre job; I always want a “want to” joyful career.
Sometimes, it takes having a “have to” job to know the difference between the two. In my experience, here’s what differentiates them:
A “Have To” career:
Feels like a “job” to get out of the way as quickly as possible
Is driven more by external (i.e., money) than inner (i.e., fulfillment) rewards
Is counted by the number of hours ticking down until you can stop working
Is the type of work you hate talking about outside of work hours because it perpetuates a sense of anxiety
Is enveloped in scarcity: as much as you dislike it, you’re afraid of losing it
Makes you feel proud because of how “hard” it was to get to where you are: you have the battle scars to prove it!
A “Have To” career is built around fear: If you don’t have it, you’re not _____ (safe, worthy, wealthy, respectable, impressive, accomplished, resilient) enough.
A “Want To” Career:
Feels like work you’re excited to be immersed in
Is driven by all kinds of motivators; money matters but so does the ability to be of service, learn, and build a legacy of which you’re proud
Makes time fly by; you sometimes wish you had more hours in the day to dedicate to your work but you also recognize when it’s time to break
Feels exciting to talk about - you recognize that sharing your ideas with others helps you problem-solve and return to your work renewed
Is enveloped in abundance: you’re not afraid of losing your “want to” career because you know it’s simply one part of the bigger picture of your life
Makes you feel proud because you’ve chosen and built this path with joy
A “Want To” career is built around love: Your work honors your values, gives you joy, and yet it doesn’t define you. It’s simply one space in your life where you get to be you, give with love, and receive so much back.
Which is your current type of career: a “have to” or “want to”?
Which type of career do you want?
How to Build a “Want To” Career:
As a coach, I wish “want to” careers for all my clients. The average person spends 90,000 hours (a third) of their life at work. Shouldn’t that time feel like a “want to”?
I focus on three key ingredients to help my clients build joyful careers that you can try out too:
Think with less fear to feel more joy.
“Have To” careers are driven by fear-based thought patterns. Today, if you sense inner anxiety, frustration, or self-doubt, stop. Notice the sensation in your body and take a deep breath or rub your hands together. This helps interrupt those thoughts. Then, write down the thought that is generating this feeling. Becoming aware of our thought patterns and how these manifest in our bodies is a simple way to start retraining our brains to think better, so we can feel better.Know what you want.
Going after a “want to” career starts with intentionally knowing what you want out of life and your career. I wrote about envisioning a life of meaning and success here, getting clear on your values here, and redefining what success means to you here. All of these are coaching resources to help you intentionally design a “want to” life and career.Take action with confidence and curiosity.
I help my clients take action with ease by keeping their self-belief high and getting curious about their circumstances. If you currently have (or had) a “have to” career, instead of judging or resenting it, ask yourself: What is the gift in this job right now? What skills is this experience helping me grow? How will I make sure that this “have to” job becomes a stepping stone towards my “want to” career?
A “have to” career is driven by fear. A “want to” career is driven by love.
Which type do you want?
I can help you build the “want to” kind of career.
My long-time client, Rocío, a Sales Director at a Tech company shared this last week about our work together:
“Karla has helped me get clear on what I want, work through thought patterns that hold me back, and strengthen my confidence. Coaching with Karla helped me gain confidence to negotiate a promotion to another role that I wanted, and also ask and obtain a higher salary during tough economic times! I'm attracting what I want shaping a life that honors my values, which I'm finding is what makes me the happiest!”
You also deserve a “want to” life and career that makes YOU the happiest!
Until next week!
P.S. This Thursday, I’m hosting the third (free) “Open Hour” to Share & Listen - one hour when anyone who has recently been laid off can join to process what they’re experiencing and feel connected with others going through a similar situation. As a Transitions coach, I will ask a few questions to help you reflect and share.
We have three spots left! You can register for this hour via the button below.
If you know someone who could benefit from this time, please share this opportunity with them by forwarding this article.